Photo of Sunny, six weeks old—Our first moment together and our first kiss

Everyone called her Sunny but her real name was Sunshine Hope. I was the only one who called her Sunshine. I named her after Maggie, my first Golden Retriever, who had breathed herself out of this life in my kitchen the year before Sunshine was born. That afternoon, her vet diagnosed Maggie with cancer and told me she had only four days to live. A few hours later, she died peacefully. I stayed with her until the last of her life force left her body and exited my home through the window.

I figure one of two things led to Maggie’s quick death. Either she heard her diagnosis and thought it would be a lousy four days or she waited until I knew her end was soon so her death wouldn’t be a complete shock. Maybe she knew I’d already lost a few people to sudden death that came with no warning and understood what that does to a person’s heart and soul.

Maggie came into my life a few months after my Holly died in my arms at age 16-1/2. We were outside in my backyard. Her wonderful vet, the most gorgeous man you can imagine, came to our home the day chosen for Holly’s end. I had done everything to keep her alive the past few months. Now there was no hope and I had to select the day to end her life. The first Thursday in February. The weather was kind to us and although there was a chill in the air, the sun shined upon us that sad day. The last few days before Holly died, I held her in my arms and thanked her for being my dog. We both cried. Yes, Holly cried gentle tears.

Holly at 9 years old

After Holly died, as I lay in bed that night, I felt her body up against mine, but instead of embracing her presence, I felt fear and she left. I wanted to call her back, I did call her back, but to my deepest regret, she never returned.

 

My now ex-husband wanted a Golden Retriever, and so a few months later, Maggie came into my life. When I first held that small puff of yellow, I looked into her golden eyes and said, “I’m only willing to do this again because I loved Holly so much.”

Holding Maggie

 

It didn’t take long for me to fall deeply in love with my first Golden Retriever. They’re a fabulous breed, smart and full of fun. Goldens are puppies at heart until they die.

Maggie died October 21, 1999, the year my mother almost died and came to live with me. Starting in August, I  began getting on the floor with Maggie and singing, “You Are My Sunshine.”

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are grey

You’ll never know, dear,

How much I love you

Please don’t take my sunshine away.

A year after Maggie died, the Today Show honored the 100th birthday of the man who wrote You Are My Sunshine. As I listened to another verse of the song I didn’t recall hearing before, I understood why I’d been singing the song to Maggie. Something inside me had known we didn’t have long.

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

And I hung my head and cried

 

I loved Maggie with all my heart and really liked the name Maggie. I resisted the temptation to give my next Golden the same name.

And so, I gave my new Golden the official name Sunshine Hope in memory and honor of my Maggie.

 

In life, we will experience many losses and we can’t allow the possibility or probability of being hurt to stop us from loving. As Queen Elizabeth II said,  Grief is the price we pay for love.

And the privilege of loving is more than worth the price of admission.