Ten Years Later, I’m Still Talking to My Mother

Ten years ago, on April 5, 2016, my book The Space Between: A Memoir of Mother-Daughter Love at the End of Life was published. It went on to win numerous awards, something I hadn’t expected.

I never planned to write about my mother or the last years of her life when I became her caregiver. In a weekly writing group, her story came out on the page, and I realized I was writing about a race against time to heal our relationship before she died.

As I wrote, I was coached by Linda Joy Myers, President of the National Association of Memoir Writers, who pushed me to go deeper than I thought possible. I eventually titled the book after something Barbara Walters said about the infinitely small space between life and death. In that space, I found room for a lifetime of trying to understand what we lived through.

This is part of what I’ve learned since my mother died and I wrote about us—death may have ended her life, but it didn’t kill our relationship. Writing about her taught me to examine us and keep learning who she was and who we were together.

I now understand her in ways I couldn’t while she was alive. I believe she would be proud.

Shortly before she died, my mother shared this sage advice, learned after a long life: Having Fun, Being Kind, and Loving are the most important things.

I never buried my mother. She was cremated, and I took her cremains out into the ocean where I scattered them, setting her free to travel around the world.

Since its release, The Space Between: A Memoir of Mother-Daughter Love at the End of Life has connected with caregivers and people who anticipate that role in their lives. These connections have been the greatest honor.

If you are a caregiver or know you will be, I wrote this book for you. Following are a few links where you can find The Space Between: A Memoir of Mother-Daughter Love:

Bookshop.org (best indie-friendly option):

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-space-between-a-memoir-of-mother-daughter-love-at-the-end-of-life-virginia-a-simpson/2be1fa8496034bdc

IndieBound (local bookstore finder):
indiebound

Powell’s Books:
https://www.powells.com/book/the-space-between-9781631520495

Barnes & Noble:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-space-between-virginia-a-simpson/1122601912

As I look back on these ten years, and the twenty-one years since I said goodbye to my mother, I’m reminded of these lyrics by Joni Mitchell. We’re captive on the carousel of time, just trying to make sense of the circles we travel…. We can’t return, we can only look behind from where we came.

Joni Mitchell – “The Circle Game”

Wherever I am, whenever I’m near the ocean, I imagine she’s there and I say, “Hi, Mom.”